Review: Red Delicious

"It's at least red... Delicious? Not so much."

The facts:  This apple comes from Iowa in 1880.  It has a rather complex family, spreading out over 50 different versions of itself.  Whichever variation I have tasted in this review, however, well... I'll save that for later.  Anyway, it used to be a hotshot of an apple in the '80s, comprising of the majority of Washington's haul.  It was such a heavily relied upon fruit that it almost pushed the state's apple industry to economic failure. 

My input:  Well, quantity in this case really does not reflect quality.  I can see why this apple required Clinton to give a bailout to the apple farmers not too long ago.  To put it briefly, only one part of this apple's name is honest.  To offend the senses less, I'll give you a hint:  it's the color.  Its thick skin can handle just about any insult I throw at it, but taking a bite out of this horrible Red Delicious was like eating waxen water or something.  Its texture is much to be desired.  It is like someone blended cardboard and put it into an apple. Never have I experienced mealiness of this caliber.  But despite its faults, I would like to list a few possibly redeeming factors of this apple.  First, it is rather inexpensive, so if you make the mistake of buying one, you are only out a little bit of money.  Second, since it is so mildly "flavored," it can pair well with peanut butter.  Thirdly, I hardly encountered seeds when eating it, so that is a plus.  And I guess with such a thick skin, it would probably keep rather well.

Flavor:  What flavor?  (0/5)

Texture:  Thick skin, wateriness... gross. (1/5)

Appearance:  Well, it's at least red and kind of big.  (3/5)

Bottom line:  Its name is a half-truth.  It is about as much as an apple as it a stuffed teddy is a bear.  Essentially, if you feel comfortable with eating a replica of a fruit, or if you want something that's a baby step above using cardboard to eat peanut butter, then look no farther because the Red "Delicious" is the "apple" for you.

Review: Gala Apple

"I'm basically cheese pizza."

The facts:  Known for its mild yet sweet flavor and perfectly petite size for children, the Gala is one of the top-selling apples around the world, followed by Red Delicious.  Originating from New Zealand, this apple is the byproduct of a Golden Delicious and a Kidd's Orange Red in the 1920's.  Gala has also mutated into various others, including the Royal Gala and other apples with the word "Gala" in it.

My input:  Everything about this apple seems humble: its size, its flavor, its color, and its texture.  Its mild flavor does not really impose upon my palate, but maybe that is a good thing.  Gala has nothing to prove in that respect: it is the "apple next door" if you will.  I can definitely appreciate its texture, but its flavor can sometimes underwhelm me due to its unimposing nature.  Because it seems so standard issue and humble, it is the "cheese pizza" of the apples.  As a result, this is where the Gala falls flat.  Its mildness is perfect for inexperienced apple children, and I would imagine that all food, even the bold flavored, would ultimately taste like this when I am old and gray.  Also, if you are sensitive to astringency like me, the Gala can sometimes get a bit dry after a few bites.  Its cute physical appearance (semi-speckled with striations yet mostly of a uniform color, thin skin, small yet round size) seems almost like your standard, run of the mill, apple.  It looks presentable, but it hardly stands out as appetizing, but that comes with the territory of being a humble little Gala.  

Flavor:  sweet, mild, unimposing, sometimes a bit astringent for my tastes (3/5)

Texture:  crisp without being mealy.  (4/5)

Appearance: humble (3/5)

Bottom line:  As I said before, the Gala is the cheese pizza of the apple world.  Its mediocrity is nice for providing something for everyone yet satisfying no one.  It's certainly better than a Red Delicious, and since it kind of sticks in the "people pleaser" happy medium, it should be the true #1 selling apple.  There's nothing too entertainingly impressive about this little Gala, unfortunately.

Review: Envy Apples

"Honeycrisp, be jealous of Envy's sweetness."

I would like to start my reviews on a positive note, so I chose my absolute favorite apple: the Envy.  

The facts:  It's from New Zealand, the place people know for its beautiful scenery and Tolkienian humanoids.  It is also a crossbreed between the Royal Gala and Braeburn.  Essentially, it is a Jazz apple's sibling, and from what I have been told, was specifically bred for optimal sweetness and browning resistance.

My input:  if you are a sweet tooth and have an intense appreciation for crispiness like me, this apple will rock your world.  It will make most other apples green with this one's namesake in that they will never reach a level of complex flavor and sweetness.  I personally love how crisp Envy is; it is not mushy like a Macintosh nor rough like a Red Delicious:  Envy rests on a happy medium, sticking with an ideal texture for those who like crispiness without mealiness.  In addition, the sweetness of Envy is perfect for snacking.  It is as though scientists and Mother Nature had a delicious sugar baby.  In comparison, it is Jazz 2.0 or Honeycrisp's similarly sized, sexier (and tastier) cousin.  In terms of physical appearance, this apple is beauty incarnate.  The variegated, red and yellow pattern makes it highly presentable, though I mostly see it as a straight red in photos.  I prefer the addition of yellow in this particular one I had; it adds a certain character and only emphasizes its rich, complex flavor.  Its shape seems ideal for snacking as well considering its roundness.

Flavor:  sweet, aromatic, complex, rich  (5/5)

Texture: crisp; perfect skin thickness (5/5)

Appearance: round, mottled, predominantly red, presentable (5/5)

Bottom line:  I love how boldly sweet this apple is.  It might deter others from eating it due to its sometimes colossal size and crisp texture, but for me, Envy keeps me longing for more.  

For more information and recipes, follow this link: http://www.envyapple.com/story.html

How Does a Human Know What Apples Is?

I'm not a polar bear, but I want to help everyone truly know what "apples is."

Ever since I found out about the amazing variety of apples several years ago, I have wanted to become the master of malus, the partaker of pommes: the authority of apple.  Seeing how over seven thousand cultivars exist, this might prove challenging, if not impossible due to crossbreeding and my limited resources to access the seemingly limitless variety of this fruit.  For fairness's sake, I will review apples by their standalone taste.  However, I will also try various apple-flavored food items as I encounter them throughout my daunting journey, and as such, I will review recipes and a multitude of preparations of apples as they come long. Some of the reviews will consist of a few words and a picture, but a few exceptional apples and several mainstream varieties will receive considerable airtime.  As of the beginning of this blog, my favorite apples would have to be either the Envy, Aurora, Pink Lady, or Jazz varieties for their crispiness and sweet, complex flavor, and my least favorite would go to the watery, mealy Red Delicious.

Anyway, enjoy my posts.  Feel free to add suggestions, feedback, or whatever, as long as it positively contributes to my journey.